worthiness

CBG: #19

April 8, 2020 — Leave a comment

Truly, truly, I say to you, you will weep and lament, but the world will rejoice. You will be sorrowful, but your sorrow will turn into joy. When a woman is giving birth, she has sorrow because her hour has come, but when she has delivered the baby, she no longer remembers the anguish, for joy that a human being has been born into the world. So also you have sorrow now, but I will see you again and your hearts will rejoice, and no one will take your joy from you. In that day you will ask nothing of me. Truly, truly, I say to you, whatever you ask of the Father in my name, he will give it to you. Until now you have asking nothing in my name. Ask, and you will receive that your joy may be full.

John 16:20-24

We must give as much room to the pain and sorrow, as we do the celebration and the joy. Each gives the other meaning. Within the conversation between sorrow and joy is the presence of God. In the presence of God we can hold things loosely, give generously and express vulnerably. Our worth is not in question and out of this worthiness our asks are legitimate. It’s difficult to ask from hurt because it can further make us feel small and guilty. We might not ask when we’re feeling abundant because we lose our sensitivity to our fallibility and humanity. When we exist in a place of enough-ness and whole-hearted worth, it sifts our asks through gratitude and humility. These asks don’t involve a need; they are for connection.

Prayer: Grow my sensitivity to the world and to you. Grow my capacity for joy. Renew it. Restore it. Help me trust that there are times for sorrow and times for joy. Help me not to judge wherever I’m at.

Creative: Meditate on a strength and create from there!

Brave: Share how God has been at work in your life this week with anyone.

Generous: Is there someone we may have “forgotten” because they’re “probably fine?” Reach out.

George Saunders – Failures of kindness

July 28, 2019 — Leave a comment

What I regret most in my life are failures of kindness.

It’s hard to put kindness in a box, yet when you’re in the presence of it, you feel it. Some people are naturally kind — what is it? This generosity of spirit? The authenticity of presence? This lack of sauntering their own ego? Their insistence on others’ well-being? All that is part of it. It’s hard to define kindness, yet when you experience it, it transforms you. You too want to be kinder. You feel a little lighter. You feel more capable of being you, nothing more. Being open to kindness is hard because it breaks your insecurities and propensity for evil down. Being open to kindness begins a journey of our own lack towards our true worth. I want to open to kindness. I am open to kindness. It’s my first openness to it that can lead me to my own kindness to others. We love because God first loved us. I am loved. I am love. I can love. I choose to love. I am kind. I choose to be kind. Let us experience heaven here.

Day 51: Restore to me

February 5, 2019 — Leave a comment

Numbers 33-34; Psalm 51

Restore to me the joy of your salvation.

Restore to me the joy of your salvation. Restore to me the joy of your salvation. Restore to me the joy of your salvation. Restore to me the joy of your salvation. Restore to me the joy of your salvation. Restore to me the joy of your salvation. Restore to me how I first felt when I knew you loved me without border and boundaries. Restore to me how I felt when you said I was worthy and enough just as I am. Restore to me how I felt when nothing in the world mattered, all my failures and shortcomings and flaws did not matter. Restore to me my innocence. Restore to me my love for others in a way that risked getting hurt. Restore to me confidence in an eternal everlasting hope for everyone who believes and even for those who don’t get. Restore to me innocence. Restore to me the time before I realized I could be hurt. Restore to me love. Restore to me the joy of your salvation. Restore to me the joy of your salvation. Restore to me you. Restore to me you. Restore to me you. Restore me. Restore me.

Day 45: You are a gift

January 30, 2019 — Leave a comment

Numbers 17-18; Psalm 45

God gives the priesthood as a gift to the people. They are appointed with such a specific purpose to be one of blessing and something to generously given. Can we see our lives as such? Can we see wherever we are as a gift to those around us, whether they are under our care or our neighbor? Can we trust that our position and our roles in our community must be seen as a gift?!! You are a gift. You are to be enjoyed and treasured. You are to bring joy. You are to radiate. You are able to change moods. You are able to meet needs. You are able to build connection. You are a gift. Live as such. Live like you are worthy and beautiful. Live like your purpose is fully endowed. Live like you are a gift.

Who’s the gift for? Who asked for the gift? Is this where your calling lies? Is this where your purpose shows up? Who needs you? Is that your community? Who enjoys you? Is that the people you are to generously give your time to? Not in a sick sexual way. Get your minds out of the gutter.

Who can you bless?

Who can you make happy?

Who can you make special?

Because you can and you do!

Day 31: Back to one

January 16, 2019 — Leave a comment

Leviticus 5-7; Psalm 31

People were asked to sacrifice from what they had. The rich gave a lamb. The poor could give turtles. These are rituals that demonstrate a deeper meaning. The size of the sacrifice matters less than the willingness to give something of value away to atone. Atonement can be hard to grasp because it assumes we are sinners and we need to be forgiven. What is sin? A propensity to choose ourselves and intentionally/unintentionally wreak havoc in our environment. It doesn’t have to be blatant overt evil. It could be turning a blind eye to those in need. It could be silence in the face of oppression. Sin is the way we break trust with God, each other and even in ourselves. We all do it. What’s the big deal, though? What’s the big deal with a breach of trust here and there? It makes life more veiled and less vulnerable. We work harder to prove our worth. We do things to our benefit and maybe neglect others. Why care about others? We’re interdependent. We are all created in the image of God. We’ve lost that connection to each other, to the earth, to God.

Atonement is to heal this lost and to bring us all back as one. Jesus does that. The Holy Spirit does that. Maybe other things like yoga practices that tell us we are one also do that. But can we simply say we are one without acknowledging the ways we’ve fractured that oneness and answer for it? I acknowledge all the ways I choose myself and selfishly/cowardly not love others fully. How do I shift away from this propensity? How do I choose others and me in all situations? How do I walk with compassion and forgiveness and generosity, without it feeling like an obligation? God help.