devotional

CBG: #17

April 6, 2020 — Leave a comment

When the Jews, who were with her in the house, consoling her, saw Mary rise quickly and go out, they followed her, supposing that she was going to the tomb to weep there. Now when Mary came to where Jesus was and saw him, he fell at his feet, saying to him, “Lord, if you had been here, my brother would not have died.” When Jesus saw her weeping, and the Jews who had come with her also weeping, he was deeply moved in his spirit and greatly troubled. And he said, “Where have you laid him?” They said to him, “Lord, come and see.” Jesus wept. So the Jews said, “See, how he loved him!” But some of them said, “Could not he who opened the eyes of the blind man also have kept this man from dying?” Then Jesus, deeply moved again, came to the tomb. It was a cave, and a stone lay against it. Jesus said, “Take away the stone.”

John 11:31-39

Mary cried because her brother died. Mary cried because she imagined what could have happened if Jesus arrived in time. Mary cried seeing Jesus cried. And Mary probably cried when the impossible happened, a miracle that was beyond her imagination. Where are you in this crying timeline? Are you crying seeing the reality of death and pain? Are you crying replaying what could’ve happened, what we could’ve done, why God is allowing this? Are you crying because you know God is crying and heartbroken? Are you crying because you’re experiencing unexpected joys that you knew you could not have if you were not in this situation? In a day, my reason for crying shifts. I’m sad. And on top of that, I had felt so guilty for being so sad: bursting into tears over an article, over a soul-wrenching song that has nothing to do with current events, receiving a text where I feel misunderstood, the list goes on. I need not justify why I am sad. I am sad because of the reality, because of our need for God, because I know God doesn’t want this either, because I’m hopeful for what will happen and have experienced the sparks of hope. We are sad. It’s okay.

Prayer: You bottle all my tears. You bottle all my tears. You make me soft through heartbreak. You make me strong with your hope. Help me release any guilt for knowing how things ought to be and what your heart desires, and therefore am really fucking sad right now. Help me to not wallow in sad, but accept and engage it so to move.

Creative: Listen to the rain.

Brave: Forgiveness.

Generous: What’s something you’ve wanted to do to serve, but have made excuses in the past?

CBG: #15

April 4, 2020 — 1 Comment

The next day, as they were on their journey and approaching the city, Peter went up on the housetop about the sixth hour to pray. And he became hungry and wanted something to eat, but while they were preparing it, he fell into a trance and saw the heavens opened and something like a great sheet descending being let down by its four corners upon the earth. In it were all kinds of animals and reptiles and birds of the air. And there came a voice to him, “Rise, Peter, kill and eat.” But Peter said, “By no means, Lord; for I have never eating anything that is common or unclean.” And the voice came to him again a second time, “What God has made clean, do not call common.” This happened three times, and the thing was taken up at once to heaven.

Acts 10:9-16

Vegetarians and vegans, bye! And the rest of us, please do not eat bats! Okay, I’m kidding, and if you can’t handle some Bible humor, please take a breath and maybe start because the Bible is kind of hilarious. No, I don’t think the heart of this passage is about literally what we eat. However, it’s a great analogy because all of humanity understands this need.

Nor is this passage about throwing away former customs and cultures to fulfill whatever present need. It’s not about a blaise way of living that fits how you’re feeling in the moment. It’s about looking for patterns and affirmations from God, which requires asking and listening. The heart of the message happened three times. Did God really say that, again and again? It’s a reflection on what cultures and ideas we’ve held to for identity. Why have we held onto these ideas? Are they good? Are they necessary? Were they once good and necessary, and now no longer? It’s about adapting our way of living through an increased intimacy with God. It’s not changing God to fit our life; it’s understanding deeper the goodness and kindness and compassion and wideness of God, in order to live a fuller and freer life. Our lives should reflect inclusivity and flexibility, in all times, so that it points back to a God who has truly created us for such a moment as now to be of service and of calling.

Prayer: God show me the areas I can loosen up and receive more.

Creative: Listen to music that celebrates who you are.

Brave: Where have you not allowed yourself to celebrate? Celebrate!

Generous: Can you give an hour of your time to someone?

CBG: #13

April 2, 2020 — Leave a comment

For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven:

a time to be born, and a time to die;

a time to plant, and a time to pluck up what is planted;

a time to kill, and a time to heal;

a time to break down, and a time to build up;

a time to weep, and a time to laugh;

a time to mourn, and a time to dance;

a time to cast away stones and a time to gather stones together;

a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing;

a time to seek, and a time to lose;

a time to keep, and a time to cast away;

a time to tear, and a time to sew;

a time to keep silence, and a time to speak;

a time to love, and a time to hate;

a time for war, and a time for peace.

Ecclesiastes 3:1-8

Everyone is in a season of “refraining from the embrace.” However outside of that, no one can tell you or judge you for the season you’re in. What season(s) are you in? Knowing what season you’re in can replace frustration and anger with patience, doubt with stillness and distrust with potential. Knowing what season you’re in realigns expectation, or even better, helps you release any expectations. When you know what season you’re in, you’ll understand why some characters are starring in your life, while others should just be an extra. It’s okay. It shifts. Tomorrow, the next hour, the next minute could be a new “episode of life.” And each minute is the same length and has equal value. Each minute can matter when your focus is on eternity.

Prayer: What time is it?

Creative: What season do you want to be in? Imagine it. Create something as if you’re in that season.

Brave: Call someone in today.

Generous: Tell a mentor or someone who’s really shaped you in a former season, how much it meant and what you learned from that season.

CBG COVID Challenge: #2

March 22, 2020 — 1 Comment

Being quarantined in a house with a family has brought up a lot of resentment in me. One, the family is together, planning dinners and game nights, while I am separated from my family and my friends. Two, they can sit back and receive my rent, while I struggle financially and scramble to apply for any employment during this #stayhome season. Three, they seem so happy and it only fuels my own bitterness. What do all these lead to in me? Victimhood. “I have it so much worse.” “No one gets where I’m at.” “Why do I always have to figure things out on my own?” “If this was the end of the world, I don’t want to die with these housemates…” I am a victim.

And a natural step is to continue the cycle of comparison and say, well there are people who have it A LOT worse than me. There are single parents struggling to feed their kids and pay rent. There are families with relatives who have died or are dying. Businesses are closing. Lay offs for people who have worked at a job for over a decade are happening everywhere. So if I want to play the victim card, and then see the state of others in a even grimmer state, I am left with GUILT. While it is helpful, when it gives you perspective to remember those less fortunate, comparison is not the way to get out of a state of victimhood.

What do my resentments reveal? Underneath my “woe is me,” what am I thinking? What is my “victimhood” preserving and protecting? My desires. My hurt. My unmet expectations. Because under the irritation and bitterness are my desires to be with people I love, to have a sense of financial security and to be in joy. All these desires are unmet. And I am scared; and I am hurt. I am sad I don’t have a partner that I’d like to be quarantined with. I am sad that my career after all these years still feels uncertain and stagnant. I realize that my joy is very much wrapped up in circumstances. When I am in this state of thought and meditation, God can work. God can work in our honesty and rawness. He can’t break in fully in our lens of comparison. So what’s the remedy to victimhood? Vulnerability.

Owe no one anything, except to love each other, for the one who loves one another has fulfilled the law.

Romans 13:8

Prayer: Lay before God your desires, your expectations and your hurt.

Creative: Write a haiku. (5-7-5)

Brave: Let someone know where you’re at, and tell them, you don’t need advice, just a listening ear.

Generous: Venmo $1 to someone to let them know you’re thinking of them, you’re with them!

Psalms 6 – 9: oh Lord…how long?

January 11, 2020 — Leave a comment

The ache and the rejoice are neighbors. The desire for God and the anger of the world are complementary. The recounting of God’s presence and the feeling of God’s absence fuel each other. We live in this tension of want and have, of yes Lord and where are you Lord? Maybe there are no peaks and valleys, only journey in the present.

The presence and calling of God calls forth all our emotions. God forces us to self-reflect. The moment we want vengeance, we also see our own faults. We cannot see the speck in another without seeing the plank in ourselves. So what then? Have your say and have your feel. However end with trusting that God is sovereign and we are only responsible for doing our parts that are led by justice, righteousness, gratitude and wholehearted surrender.

God I pray for self-awareness in the stead of self-pity. I pray for vulnerability in the stead of bitterness and fear. God I pray for an overflow of trust in you even when I cannot see and cannot hear because when I recount where I am now, I know you have been with me till now. Amen.