Jesus

Day 55: The heart of it

February 9, 2019 — Leave a comment

Deuteronomy 7-9; Psalm 55

How can you read this passage and not be confident that we can’t take the Bible literally? It’s so insane what God asks the Israelites to do — Kill all the people in their path? God hates the evil? What’s the heart of this? What’s the heart of this? What can be some take aways…

That we are not to overtake others to take their things and use them to get rich ourselves. That we should not get proud if we win because it’s not from anything we do but because God destroys evil. That we should not covet. That we should be humbled if we receive any blessings. Again, not our doing. It is all by grace. We are not that far from the people we oppose. Discipline from God is good… you discipline those you care about.

Reading the Bible this way is pretty taxing. It’s like a pummeling to a one day hopeful redemption on the cross. I’m exhausted. I’m tired. I’m starting to hate people and rules and commandments. Huh? A mirror for who we are? A stubborn people.

Day 51: Restore to me

February 5, 2019 — Leave a comment

Numbers 33-34; Psalm 51

Restore to me the joy of your salvation.

Restore to me the joy of your salvation. Restore to me the joy of your salvation. Restore to me the joy of your salvation. Restore to me the joy of your salvation. Restore to me the joy of your salvation. Restore to me the joy of your salvation. Restore to me how I first felt when I knew you loved me without border and boundaries. Restore to me how I felt when you said I was worthy and enough just as I am. Restore to me how I felt when nothing in the world mattered, all my failures and shortcomings and flaws did not matter. Restore to me my innocence. Restore to me my love for others in a way that risked getting hurt. Restore to me confidence in an eternal everlasting hope for everyone who believes and even for those who don’t get. Restore to me innocence. Restore to me the time before I realized I could be hurt. Restore to me love. Restore to me the joy of your salvation. Restore to me the joy of your salvation. Restore to me you. Restore to me you. Restore to me you. Restore me. Restore me.

Day 48: Keep on for Jesus

February 2, 2019 — Leave a comment

Numbers 25-27; Psalm 48

How do people read the Word of God when it feels so far removed from it that it feels more a burden than a blessing? All this fighting and quarreling feels petty and stupid. All this talk about inheritance makes me eye roll — although I see The foreshadowing as well of Boaz and Ruth, the prodigal sin, and Jesus making himself our inheritance. Alright, alright. The laying of the foundation for what is to come. Because thankfully what still keeps me in the faith, however we define it in this judgmental culture, is Jesus and the gospel: good news. What keeps me reading is the showing up of Jesus who was radical AF. Who didn’t talk about wars but more told us to take care of the poor by doing it himself? He isn’t petty. He’s brutally honest and funny and compassionate. I see how people can separate the God of the OT and the God of the NT. Well God and Jesus are different, and the same. They express different sides of compassion, justice and priorities. They show the 3-dimensional look of life and emotions.

But I’m struggling to keep doing this. I’m bored. I expected this reading to open me in a way to see God differently. Well, I guess it has. He’s bigger than the Bible. He’s more than the Bible. A mirror only reflects a person, but isn’t the person. God isn’t the Bible. The Bible reflects him and right now its reflections seem like a mirror held far away. My God is still a big badass caring motherfucker and with all the damn violence in the OT, you can cuss.

Day 44: Living on the edge of glory

January 29, 2019 — Leave a comment

Numbers 14-16; Psalm 44

Sometimes we are so stripped down from all our comforts and thrown into the wilderness simply called to trust, that it brings out the nastiest of things. With no material and physical thing to hide behind, we are exposed and see the ugliness in our hearts. It can bring up fights, distrust, relational dissonance, melodrama and so forth. It is super uncomfortable to be exposed. It is harrowing to hold onto nothing but God and a supposed future hope. It feels naked. It feels at times not right. Shouldn’t faith and being with God kook peaceful and easy? Didn’t he promise to bless us? Didn’t he promise to be with us?

My prayer for me and for you is that God’s adventure for us makes us bold and courageous warriors. That we own up to our fears and doubts and sorrow. That we beg and beg for continual faith and provision. That we never lose hope that tomorrow can and will be better. I pray that our radiant faith shines here and makes those around us wonder how it is possible for us with so little and so little security, joyful and vulnerable. I pray that we are in states that demand faithful living, like the kind where you’re always on the brink of breaking and any breath of fresh air feels a million bucks. Now that’s living on the edge.

In our fear and anger, may we not take it out on others. I always do. Forgive me. Help me.

Day 41: Fuck order and embrace outsiders

January 26, 2019 — Leave a comment

Numbers 5-7; Psalm 41

Honestly I’m in Bible reading fatigue. How many more passages do I need to read insisting on our uncleanliness and God’s holiness? How many more passages are there about women being less than men? No wonder this is such a hard concept for so many to undo. It’s been preached at them again and again, that even if they don’t overly treat women as less than, they do. Women take the blame. Women are guilty. They are considered under the authority of their husband? Why? These verses out of context create abusive and unfair relationships. What is the purpose of this? And for the last time, please do not justify injustice with a call on order. Who created this order? Who does it protect? Is it enough that the only justification for something are a few verses in a book that was written a few thousand years ago? Your heart, your community and your world tell you one thing, but you insist on another because of a verse in the Bible.

There are still countries that consider being gay a crime. That is implorable. Christians add to that hate. Christians use the Bible to justify their order and oppression. Is God not bigger than our desires and sexuality? Does he not have room for fluidity? Has Jesus not set us free to love beyond borders? Doesn’t Jesus remind us to be with the most vulnerable, love the most vulnerable, be the most vulnerable. Society, this wicked society, might seem you an outsider. Outsiders were often the righteous ones in Jesus’ eyes. Outsiders that had little material worth, but had complete identity worth and stories.

Day 39: C’est le vie Leviticus

January 24, 2019 — Leave a comment

Leviticus 26-27; Psalm 39

The valuation of humans in this section is implorable. The sacrifices in this book are weird AF. Relative to the other sacrifices happening around, the context the Israelites are in in this world of sacrifices to the Gods, this May seem radical. But if something is ugly but it’s not as ugly as the thing next to it, does it make it less ugly? Yes I understand the heart of this is about how pure and holy God is and how wicked and childish we are, but really…? Goodness the valuation of humans — men more than women, adults better than youth, the power of the priests to determine how much a person is worth. Bible scholars tell me how this is good? Don’t tell me, in other cultures women were valued at 0 so now that they’re 30 shekels, it’s pretty cool! Wtf.

Tell me this is all a set up to prove how amazing Jesus is. In Jesus women and children and sojourners are valued just the same, if maybe even more… they’re not valued more because they’re worth more, but in a patriarchal, misogynistic, ageist society, valuing something more just gives them a fair chance. You don’t need to value what’s already in the power seat. They are the status quo. We have to value the vulnerable to give them the room and space. Tell me Leviticus exists to point to the simplicity, justice and power of Jesus. Tell me this weird as F chapter points to how radical Jesus is. But is Jesus radical only in relativism? Or is he truly radical objectively?

Day 33: What goes in must come out

January 18, 2019 — Leave a comment

Leviticus 11-13; Psalm 33

There is nothing wrong with a kid who plays in mud and gets dirty. It’s normal. It happens to all kids who play in mud. It might even be a little cute. Until that muddy kid wants to jump right into your fluffy white comforter. Even the path he takes to get there — the muddy footsteps, the small handprints on the wall, The flinging of mud here and there — you get it, might get dirty. Being unclean isn’t wrong. It only becomes an issue when it comes in contact with something that reveals the uncleanliness by messing with what it comes in contact with, in a negative way. I don’t want a muddy white comforter.

Same with here. There’s nothing wrong with the unclean, unless it messes with the goodness of that around it. What makes us unclean is no longer eating this or that, but how we present ourselves. Do your speech and actions defile the good around you? Do your words negatively impact those who hear it? Does your silence and inaction harm those around you? Does your passionate unswerving speech condemn those around you? It is not what goes in that makes us unclean; it’s what comes out. But sometimes what goes in affects what comes out. If I eat a lot of garlic, my body smells like garlic. If I listen to the same kind of person talk, I might unintentionally quote them or phrase like them. Awareness!

So listen to your rap music, watch your Game of Thrones, read your romance Harlot novels, use your vibrator, eat your chips — I mean it. But if those things affect how you interact with those around you with less care, compassion and love, maybe reconsider? Is there a correlation? No judgment. Just curiosity and awareness that lead to potential change.

Day 32: Boom! You’re on fire.

January 17, 2019 — Leave a comment

Leviticus 8-10; Psalm 32

Aaron and his sons are given an incredible privilege to in God’s presence and showcase his perfection before the people. Honor am I right! Then two of Aaron’s sons, maybe accidentally, maybe just didn’t think too much about it, went before the holy place and were consumed by God’s holiness and died. Aaron is too stricken by grief that he doesn’t say anything and his two other sons have to claim the bodies. Now at this point, if I were an Israelite I would not be jealous of Aaron’s job. Approaching God and being a reflection of God is damn dangerous. It could cost you your life if you don’t do things right. It’s no haphazard, half thought out thing for Aaron and his family to have access to God. It’s no joke that they are chosen to mirror God’s holiness.

One thank you Jesus that our missteps don’t result us in our immediate smiting. But do we sometimes take for granted our access to God? What does it even mean to do that? What does it mean to haphazardly come before God and more importantly try to represent him? Do we get cocky that we have God and start to do what we want thinking whatever God already chose me? How do you balance a freedom to approach God however and a gravitas to the encounter? We have full access to God; I mean God’s in us. Let us not take that lightly and misrepresent how beautiful that is that we have the divine. May we really reflect what it means to be divine, to be chosen as divine. Because that can either draw people towards God or push them away in fear and anger. Poor Aaron. What a lesson to kill his two sons… this Bible can be OUT THERE.

Day 31: Back to one

January 16, 2019 — Leave a comment

Leviticus 5-7; Psalm 31

People were asked to sacrifice from what they had. The rich gave a lamb. The poor could give turtles. These are rituals that demonstrate a deeper meaning. The size of the sacrifice matters less than the willingness to give something of value away to atone. Atonement can be hard to grasp because it assumes we are sinners and we need to be forgiven. What is sin? A propensity to choose ourselves and intentionally/unintentionally wreak havoc in our environment. It doesn’t have to be blatant overt evil. It could be turning a blind eye to those in need. It could be silence in the face of oppression. Sin is the way we break trust with God, each other and even in ourselves. We all do it. What’s the big deal, though? What’s the big deal with a breach of trust here and there? It makes life more veiled and less vulnerable. We work harder to prove our worth. We do things to our benefit and maybe neglect others. Why care about others? We’re interdependent. We are all created in the image of God. We’ve lost that connection to each other, to the earth, to God.

Atonement is to heal this lost and to bring us all back as one. Jesus does that. The Holy Spirit does that. Maybe other things like yoga practices that tell us we are one also do that. But can we simply say we are one without acknowledging the ways we’ve fractured that oneness and answer for it? I acknowledge all the ways I choose myself and selfishly/cowardly not love others fully. How do I shift away from this propensity? How do I choose others and me in all situations? How do I walk with compassion and forgiveness and generosity, without it feeling like an obligation? God help.

Day 26: What it takes to be with the Holy

January 11, 2019 — Leave a comment

Exodus 28-29; Psalm 26

From clothes to how to use every part of the animal sacrifice, God knows. It’s as if God is trying to put language to the complexity of his holiness. This is what it took to be in the presence of pure goodness. This is what it required. But God trusts that we could follow these steps and wants us near. Doing all this is a daily reminder for Aaron and the priests that there is a distance between humans and God. Our relationship has been severed and it can feel like work to get near to God again. Imagine from the kindest most loving parent, I want you near, but do remember how much you’ve hurt me, for your sake so you remember the depths I went, but I want you. But without that parental guilt. You know what I’m talking about.

In comes Jesus who bridges this, who reminds us daily, minute to minute, that God has gone to the depths for us and when we remember that we are one with God again. When we trust that God wants our good, has our good, has proven he wants that, we are aligned with God. We trust his kingdom. We trust his commandments, because they don’t tell us what to do, but more illuminate what we know is good. God’s heart of good is our heart. If we can trust that God is for us, we can give it all up.

I’m not into selfish rich privileged Christians toting the prosperity gospel exclaiming God is for us! God is for us means you are willing to sacrifice everything material, emotional, mental, spiritual, relational that has filled the places of I’m good enough. I’m enough. God is for us means we are already fully loved.